friENDs and lOVERs at KGP

It was July the 20th, around 9:30 pm, I had moved into Room A-201, R.K. Hall with two of the most atypical room-mates – Prem and Neeraj (better known as Chom). It was after our orientation meeting, an uneasy silence lay between the three of us, when Prem, who was listening to Avril’s Skater Boy, asked me, “Abe loud music se jyada load to nahi na”. In reply, I had to brag, “Haan be koi load nahi hai, my house was on the main road”. The two them burst out laughing and this was how we became the awesomest of friends.

Life without my friends wouldn’t have been easy, really. All of them pitched up when the going was tough, they all were there in the moments of rapture. I’ve had fights with them, gotten shouted at, not talked for days, sometimes even tried to cut them off. It was just not possible man! After all they were the ones who were there amused and all, when I was just a formals-donning, candy-eating guy who wore a watch to the mess table to time his meals and used scissors to put his Goodnight mats into the machine because he was scared of getting infected. After all they were the ones, who were there with me, when I got low scores in my exams, laughing and making me laugh at the stupidity of the entire getting-depressed-over-such-low-scores thing. I’ve had some huge fights over trivial matters like alarm clocks or whether to let the windows open at night, or whether to keep the lights on at night. Some fights were pretty serious when it came down to broken hearts, bruised relationships, torn egos. After all, we tend to get more judgmental about the people who are closest to our hearts. Some of them complained about my sense of humor that bombed (the legendary PJs), some of them(mostly of the opposite sex) disliked my incessant fascination for black tees and not the maroon ones! However all of them rejoiced when I rose to Institute Rank 1 in my second year at Kgp, and all of them stood by me, as I lost it later on, reassuring me that I was a stud in much larger ways. When I got a low score in GRE, and the whole world around me told me I would have to bid adieu to my dreams at Stanford, those were the people who asked me to keep my cool and go on. Those were the people who saw me feel awful for the not making it into MSR, Redmond, they were only ones who said “koi nahi be, kya karta jaake waise, Microsoft mein Linux install maarta :p Anyways, Microsoft sucks!” when the entire junta remarked sarcastically, “kya be Abhijeet, tera nahi hua MSR!” These are the very people whose support has carried me to Stanford eventually.

With them, I’ve seen it all. Seen these people break down when their high school sweethearts broke up with them. Seen them cry when their dreams shattered. Seen them writhe in considerable pain, yet have the guts to pick up the crutches and go on to win hearts. I’ve seen them quietly struggle with their temper and adversities and keep a pretty face on. I’ve seen the calmest of them lose their cool being frustrated over fixed campus placements. I’ve seen the most outgoing amongst them blush at being discovered receiving 7 missed calls in a span of like 10 minutes, later on picking up the missed call, when he was supposed to call back thereby eliciting a response, “abhi nahi! baad mein karo”. I’ve poked around the dudest of them just to hear them say, “Arre nahiii!”. I’ve seen the cutest of them play Metacafe games all throughout the day drinking sutta and boozing on whiskey. I’ve seen the strongest of them, sulk over the fact that his egoistic crush blocked him over “Gee-talk!” for having made a stupid joke over her status. I’ve seen the latter, run like Milkha Singh from the Nescafe, rapidly blushing, because I had cleverly planned for their paths to cross. I’ve seen the same, covering his face with a newspaper that too upside down, upon relentless leg-pulling ;)

I’ve jokingly spit water and gotten spat at waiting for dinner. I’ve spent night outs talking about imperfect relationships, confused minds, broken hearts, and growing passion. I’ve listened to how cute couples are imperfect underneath, and discovered how shallow love can be. Hell, I’ve even talked about penguins, world wars, cars that run at exponential speeds and what not. I’ve seen people lose their faith in love and make me do so. I’ve seen people making me relive the relationships that left them tattered and vengeful. Some of it left me feeling torn inside, and insecure. But what the hell really, some bruises are worth fighting for, some people are worth losing your heart to. Sometimes it’s hard to let someone go, someone you’ve felt one with, someone who has really looked into your depths and understood you, but life’s not about perfect happy endings. Sometimes, people don’t want to let you down, but they do, inspite of knowing how much it hurts. You know, it’s all well and good to talk about happy endings but if a person can’t deliver, if she/he keeps screwing up, well, eventually, you kind of just have to say ‘fuck you!’ or words to that effect.

I’ve seen the heart-broken, afraid to accept love again, go on to make a cricket squad of girls wanting them, of course, on being asked as to who had moved to the opener’s slot, I always got a well rehearsed “Naah yaar, I’m NOT INTERESTED” or “Sab chaman hai yeh log”. I’ve laughed with others on hearing the latter say, “Mein chaman ho gaya hoon. Jo bhi acchi bandi dikhti hai, woh mujhe pasand aane lag jaati hai!”. I’ve seen some of them, give their heart to basketball, taking layups in their sleep or bending their legs like a girl and then shooting! I’ve seen the coolest of them get his cheek bones toned as a result of constant blushing amidst numerous stares at the mess table. I’ve woken them up in their deep sleep to take a casual stroll to have Fried Maggi. Or because I needed someone to dump my worst fears, or my imploding self. When I was heartbroken myself, I have woken up the laziest of them, and accompanied him on a cold, cheerless, December night to have tea at 4 am in just pyjamas and a thin sweater.

I’ve heard them, amused at the description of their crushes – some were hot, some cute, some so cute that they had word cutie attached to their names, some were just awesome, some were good but a little fat, for some there were no feelings from down below, and some were just ‘bubbly’! Some of those crushes were Hindus, some Muslims, some Tams and even Buddhists. I’ve silently seen people fall apart and cry when we parted ways in our final years. I’ve seen people in the final year constantly update their blogs on nostalgia and French girlfriends. I’ve seen that excitement when we met each other again at the Convocation. I have finally given way to them, and let the impregnable heart of Abhijeet open up, keeping no secrets about love, pain and happiness. Sometimes the ravages of time do leave you too bruised to keep your pain to yourself. Sometimes, you just have to get it off your chest, although it doesn’t help the pain, the fact that someone knows what you are going through, gives you that extra push to make it through the bouts of anguish.

Sometimes it’s hard to forgo people who have made the ‘maa’, ‘behen’ curses sound like music to your ears. It’s hard to let go of people who’ve clung on to you in their sleep, after watching their first horror movie, and for whom you have to disregard the loud snores! It’s really painful to be distant from those with whom you’ve gotten wasted and ended up watching romantic movies as “Hum Aapke Hain Kaun”, and “Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge”, telling each other teeny tiny secrets as to who clenched whose hand in fourth grade and all. You may try to portray yourself as a cold hardened guy, but sometimes the warmth around is so much that you’ve just have to agree that the Aunties’ daughter did look amazing in that weird hairstyle of hers and the salwaar. Kya latke jhatke the uske! Hai! mar jaawa! Sometimes it really doesn’t matter what you end up as – a scotch drinking, gun-toting Stanford graduate or a hardened individual whose personal life has taken the toll with similitude of a ping-pong ball. Sometimes life makes you hard enough to dry up your tears. However, moments of saying good-bye to your dearest buddies, drinking the last cup of tea together in campus, or hugging for the one last time in wing corridors, seeing the train go by with one of the awesomest individuals you’ve never learnt to live without, bidding adieu to some relationships to salvage your friendship and other stable relationships, brings you to the edge and just teeters you into that abyss of silent tears.

I’ve learnt its not important how we end up in relationships, the journey together as friends, as lovers, as sinners – it’s this that makes our lives delightful. Sometimes, the feel of someone’s palm on yours calms the fire raging within making the heart tranquil. Sometimes when the harsh rain strikes the earth unleashing all its fury, when the world around is submerged in a mirth of its own, suddenly time stops, the loud rock music gives way to a deep lull, and the world comes to a freeze around two lips that brush. The punches and the gpls that you receive, sometimes mean the world to you, the high fives and old-school lame handshakes bring on that innocent smile untouched by the abstruseness of the world around us. Sometimes it’s worth it to raise that glass once more to toast the journey together. Sometimes, it’s worth just to hold on to that last hug, the last handshake, not for the sake of remembering your friends but to relive your wildest days once again. Love you kgp!